


I shall abridge your happiness

by CrossRoads (Writing_in_silence)



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: A.K.A. A pursuit of apples, Crack script for episode two, Gen, I seem to have left out Henry's line, This was part of a project
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-05
Updated: 2014-03-05
Packaged: 2018-01-14 15:47:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1272244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Writing_in_silence/pseuds/CrossRoads
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A crack script for episode two in which the mayor is bored and would love to mess with the saviour</p>
            </blockquote>





	I shall abridge your happiness

**Author's Note:**

> Line 1=Regina  
> Line 2=Emma
> 
> This was part of a project in class, it's crack and I dont think it's funny. It's just plain ridiculous.
> 
> Anyways, here goes...

Some scenes ago  
Line1: Good morning. I heard you were going away and I thought, hey! Why not show her things she might not be interested in, like say...an apple that might be the most delicious thing ever? How about it? You wanna go and take this? Do you? Huh? Do you really?

Line 2:um...okay. What do you mean?

Line 1: also...thanks for not staying long, as you can tell, I really want my son here and not with you...also the apples, I hate sharing. I really do, so please. Stay away from my family...son...my son is my only family, so stay away from my son.

Line 2: yeah...I don't think I'm going away...

Line 1: and why is that?

Line 2: because you classified my son as nutty, and you're not giving apples! C'mon lady, have a heart.

Line 1: well I don't have one.

Line 2: maybe you do, but you're too dumb to notice.

Line 1:if I have one then you'd get treated to lunch, sadly...no. I suggest that you wear pants the next time you greet someone. Got that?

Line 2:well...I have something against you an you'll never know.

Line 1:what is it? How did you find my secret? I don't have one. It's futile...very futile. You have no idea on what I'm thinking. Do you?

Line 2:um...rainbows?

Line 1:What? Idiot. No...if you want to know, it's a sleek black horse that I subsequently killed...released! Onto the wild. But other than that. You know nothing. Absolutely nothing. You will never crack this code.

Chainsaw scene

These will be characters thoughts first

Line 1: Oh, you did not just do that. I was going to pick the apples later. Seriously, why can't people wait till I pick them myself.

Emma looks up 

Line 2:Bitch I just did.

The "what the hell are you doing?"

Line 1: okay! What. Is. The meaning of this? Can't wait? Why not just call me, you know that right? We shared our phone numbers for this exact reason.

Line 2: I want some apples

Line 1: you could have just asked me.

Line 2: I distinctly remember you not giving me a basketful of your apples. Also, you stated that you would not share your kid with me, so here's me, saying what I need to tell you.

Line 2: I regret nothing

Another

Line 1: hey, thought about the whole apple thing...we need to talk about your debt to me. 'cause, apparently, I saw a very interesting thing and I want to talk to someone and discuss the thing.

Line 2: okay.

Line 1: oh and...don't use your car, walk here.

Line 2:fine.

And another

Line 1: I actually called you here for no reason.

Line 2: what?

Line 1:I know right? Felt bored and asked myself....hey, why not call Ms. Swan here? And there you have it.

Line 2:okaaay...where's the kid? I need to talk to him. I know that you know where he is.

Line 1:what kid?

Line 2:you know...the kid. Short, brown hair, kinda spoiled. Your "son" where is he?

Line 1:he has a name. Seriously, you call yourself his birth mother when you have no idea on what his name is?

Line 2:*sighs* Henry...where is he? I,need to know where he is, like...now. It's urgent. I really need to talk to him.

Line 1:somewhere.

Line 2:I don't actually think this is healthy you know? Believing a kid in his fairytales...it's like...when he turns 21, he'll still believe in those and have a black and white view on the world.

CUT....YES?

Line 2: Henry? I-I didn't...*sigh* did you do this? Of course! You would, you're crazy. Doing that to your own son. Couldn't you have thought of a better plan than that?

Line 1:What? Me? Nope...maybe yes. I need to know what you guys were planning, and sadly...I didn't get much from you, or him. Such a disappointment.

Line 2:god she's bored. She really needs a life, or a hobby, like...stamp collecting...nope...never that.

Line 1: No, really, I am bored as hell and I want to kill some time and paperwork just did not cut it, know that feel? 'course you did. And also, I'm on a chair.


End file.
